Saturday, April 26, 2008

I expressed how I was feeling at that particular moment out for everyone to see and I scared a lot of people. That was not my intentions. This is the hardest thing a person can go through. But, I am alright. At times, it can be hard to eat, sleep, or function because you have so much on your mind - but all normal given the circumstance. I am keeping healthy, taking care of myself, and getting my rest. I am not exercising yet. But, I still have some recovering from my surgery before I'm back on my elliptical.

On to my precious baby Hunter...I want to say that he has his sleeves rolled up and his gloves on. But, I don't want to get overconfident. When Hunter had his problem with NEC, they brought over a group of surgeons from U of M to perform his surgery and put the drain in to heal what was going on inside him. The drains are out. As nice as the all the surgeons were, it was nice to say Goodbye to them because I know my son is on his way to recovery from something that could have been potentially fatal.

My last email said they had to move him back to the oscillator. When the respirator isn't enough support, the oscillator has to show its ugly face. The reason for this was because fluid was building on his delicate and immature lungs, even fearing congestive heart failure. He was also getting an air build up outside his lungs. They had to surgically insert another chest tube to drain the air. The chest tube is out now; he is off the oscillator, and back on the respirator. His x-rays are showing that the fluid on his lungs is getting better.

They put him on steroids and they are pretty confident that this is helping his lungs. The risk with the steroids is that it could cause him to have development delays later in life, such as speech delays. They said that most of the time the speech delays are something that is corrected by the time he begins school. But, we will be on top of that because we know of the circumstance. It is also not a guarantee that he will have any delays, it is just a risk. But, this risk is for any premature baby. Hunter is already enrolled in a developmental program for when he is discharged. They will keep a close eye on him and his development. It will be caught early.

They have been tapering down the steroids. He will be off his antibiotics. And, the next big hurdle starts on Monday. I am so worried. They are going to try to feed him again. This is the only way we will know if the NEC is really truly gone or not. This is also a huge hurdle. Why? Will it is really too long to explain over this entry - but it deals with a lot of immature stomach and intestinal issues. So, Hunter is no means out of the woods or even close to being out of the woods. Feeding can be HUGE hurdle for a premature baby. But, he is getting the best medical care and the doctors and nurses have been great.

I ask that you please continue to pray for Hunter. As I have said before...God is truly his #1 Physician. It is the Big Man that ultimately has the say. Every day before I leave my sweetheart, I hold his tiny hand and we pray together.

This situation leaves everyone feeling a little helpless and a loss for words. I know how you’re feeling. I have been on the other side before. Your love, support, and prayers are the best anyone can do and we appreciate it more than I could ever put into words.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

The neonatologist was wrong about Hunter having congestive heart failure. Throughout the day they ordered test on him. One of the test that they ordered was an echogram (if I spelled that right). The echogram takes a look at this heart and they were directly connected to a cardiologist at Children's Hospital in Detroit. The cardiologist ruled out congestive heart failure. But, it doesn't get better.

My precious, precious, son has a ton of fluid throughout his chest. They let me see his xray and compare it to another "normal" xray. It is bad. The diagnosis is either pneumonia (not good for a preemie his gestation) or his airways have collapsed not allowing fluid to cycle through and continue to build. Both situations are not good, not good at all. Every day is a struggle and a fight. They have him on a oscillator. This is the worst type of machine you could see your son on.

I am also getting a lot of questions on how "I'm holding up". I am sorry that it has taken me so long to respond back. Usually, I am a lot quicker, as you already know.I APPRECIATE the emails and support. It makes me know I have people out there in a world that feels like a fog right now.

So, to answer your question...how am I doing? I have been through a ton of stuff (excuse my French) in my life. But, NOTHING compares to this. I would gladly go through what I have been through a million times over if it met my son would be healthy.

So, how I am doing? I am falling apart and crumbling. Every day is the hardest thing to get through. I can't eat - every time I lift food to my face, I picture Hunter being in the incubator, on the oscillator, with painful tubes coming out of everywhere (head, right abdomen, left chest, foot-you name it). It just makes me lose my appetite quickly. I can't sleep because of being so worried. I am exhausted. I am walking around in a complete haze. As the world is turning, people is laughing, kids are playing...it hurts more than you'll ever know because my world isn't turning. My world, my son is battling for his life. MY SON! MY WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD! I feel like my world is crumbling apart.

I would never wish this upon anyone...I can not imagine going through anything harder in my life. I cry..sometimes nonstop. So, this is why when you ask how am I holding up - it takes so long to respond. Because I usually put my head down on my desk, start balling. I have never been through something this difficult.

Nurses and Doctors literally have to tell me to leave. The doctors are telling me that I am pale as a ghost, and my eyes are black and they are worried about me. They keep telling me to call my doctor. But, I don't have time. This type of situation affects everything - emotionally, mentally, physically, financially - everything. But, it is my son and as long as he pulls through, I wouldn't trade any of this stress for anything. I just want him to be okay and in my arms. He is my world!! I am going to keep going until he is okay. So, how am I doing? I am a wreck. Someone has literally hit me with a train, dug my heart out and twisted my stomach to make it feel like it is in a million pieces. But, anyone in this situation would be. I constantly talk to Hunter. I let him know that I am there, I don't cry and I constantly let him know how much I love him and how he is my world. It is when I walk away that I crumble.

Everyone is telling me to stay strong. I have to stay strong for Hunter. We'll I am here. I am at the hospital everyday. But, I am human as well. I have human feelings and also a really sensitive person. So, I hope you are not critical on "how I am doing" When people ask, I tell. I feel that if I didn't feel this way, I wouldn't be normal. This is my child and he is fighting for his life. This is definetly the worst thing and the worst nightmare you could have.

Wow, I can't believe I just let everyone know how I am feeling. That is not like me. I have so many people asking. So, I thought I would sum it up in one email.

I love you all! I really do. I appreciate your support and your prayers.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

I did about 110 MPH up to the hospital this morning. It is surprising that I maintained my perfect driving record, but at this point - I don't care.

Hunter has been diagnosed with congestive heart failure. It is a wait and see thing.

Please continue to pray. He's still here and fighting.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Hunter started to go downhill again yesterday. He is having air build up on his lungs and in between his lungs and chest wall. I just talked to a neonatologist. They have to put another tube in my poor baby's chest today to fight off this air. They are not sure why it is happening. But, my poor baby needs to fight through another operation. I appreciate all your prayers. I will write more later. I am going to get in the shower and get to the hospital.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

When you don't believe in the power of prayer or when you lose your faith, let me tell you a little story.

As I explained on Saturday, Hunter went in for emergency surgery because they thought he had a very serious condition called Necrotizing Enterocolitis (NEC). Infants that are born at Hunter's Gestation usually can't make it through such a critical illness. NEC will start to shut down the kidneys, heart, respiratory, and eventually shut down the entire body until the infant passes. With NEC, the stomach starts to bruise up, bloat, and you can see the bleeding inside out. On Saturday, the surgeons and neonatologist told me that we would have to wait 48-72 hours to see what was going to happen.

Yesterday, the surgeon from U of M visited Hunter. He was the one that did the emergency surgery. Hunter's heart rate is staying stable, he is still putting out good urine input (kidney's are working), his respiration is staying at low oxygen, and his stomach is remaining pink. His blood platelets are remaining good and his white blood count is starting to come down. All of these signs do not match NEC. The only way for sure that they would know if he had NEC is to open him up completely, take out his bowels, stretch his intestines out and look for damage. This is ridiculous and to much stress on the infants. Instead, they look for the other signs explained above. Although they treated him with NEC, by performing emergency surgeon - inserting a tube, and putting him on a high level of antibiotics; time is telling another picture. Instead, they think he has a condition called "isolated bowel perforation". This is a hole in his bowels or intestines that usually closes up on its own. The infant does not get as sick or critical as NEC, but it still is a very serious matter. Infants still get very sick and Hunter is not feeling well. Infants with isolated bowel perforation pull through more often than infants with NEC.

They will remain to treat him aggressively for the next week to 14 days. Then, they will start his feeds again. When they start his feeds again, we will need to worry about NEC once more. This is when NEC would show its ugly face.

They also did a chromosome test on Hunter. His white blood count was so high. This is normally seen in infants with Down syndrome. The chromosome test came back normal. Hunter DOES NOT have Down syndrome or trisomy 21. Thank goodness.

Please, Please, Please continue to pray. Hunter's #1 Physician is God. He is not out of the woods by any means.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Hunter is still critical. We were having some problems with his vitals today, but they put another tube down into his belly and hoping that will stabilize things. Things are still very problematic due to the NEC. Everyday is a new day. The not knowing what to expect is so hard. I need the crystal ball. Anyone know where I can get one?



As I mentioned in my last email, before NEC was discovered we got to do Kangaroo care with him. Kangaroo care is when Hunter is up against our bare chest and our body heat keeps him warm. He was out of his incubator for two hours. I guess we’re some warm blooded people.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

I come bearing some pretty hard news. I woke up this morning to a call from the neonatologist and two surgeons. Hunter was gradually worsening throughout last night. They had to take him off the CPAP and back on a respirator. Upon examination, they had diagnosed him with a condition that can happen in premature infants called necrotizing enterocololits (NEC). For those that would like to read up on it, it can be goggled. I knew something was extremely serious when they needed my consent for emergency surgery. I also knew that this was serious the minute the neonatologist said "I know you are on driving restrictions, but it is important that you are here. It might be a good idea to get in your car and take it easy to get here". Statistical information was given to me over the phone on his chances of survival. If he didn't have the surgery, he would not make it. If he did have the surgery, his chances were 50/50 and things would be touch and go for weeks; the first 48-72 hours being the most critical. I gave consent as any parent would do, called Tim out of work, and have been at the hospital by his bedside since this morning. Despite what everyone is telling me about me healing from my surgery and resting, I have no intention to leave anytime soon.

As you can imagine, I'll be honest - I am an emotional mess. My eyes hurt from crying. I'm emotionally drained. I feel like someone has just hit me with a baseball bat right upside my head and stabbed me through the heart. Last night, all was well. We were able to do Kangaroo care with him and he was out of his incubator for two hours lying on our chest. He was doing so well. He was off the respirator, and tolerating the CPAP. What happened?

Friends - Hunter is my world. I love him more than I could ever put into words. I know that everyone has been so supportive and have been praying. Please continue to pray for him.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Yesterday was a good day. Tim and me went to the hospital. The doctor came in and said that it would be safe to start kangaroo care on Hunter. Both of our jaws dropped. We were finally going to be able to hold our son. The nurse came in a half an hour later and asked if we were ready. We only had 10 minutes a piece with Hunter. He is to premature to hold body heat and needed to be back in the incubator after 20 minutes.

I can’t begin to explain how precious those 10 minutes was for us. The love I have for Hunter is so beyond words. I can’t begin to explain it. It was the best 10 minutes of my life. After we held him, we went to the cafeteria to eat. Those moments with Hunter were so emotional and so fabulous, I couldn't even eat dinner. It was truly wonderful.




As for Hunter, he is off the respirator and on a CPAP machine. The CPAP machine helps with air when he needs it. We also heard Hunter’s little cry for the first time today. We got it recorded and I will download it onto myspace when my camera’s battery charges. He is breathing on his own and they may start feeding him tomorrow. This may be pretty complicated and challenging.



On the flipside, they found bleeding on Hunter’s brain. The bleeding is graded 1-4. A grade one bleed is minor. A grade 4 bleed is severe. On Hunter’s right side is a grade one. On his left side, is a grade 2. Those are both very minor bleeds. They are planning on doing another ultrasound on Friday to see if it has stayed or became worse. These bleeds are commonly seen in micro preemies. A grade one and two bleed are usually absorbed and it does not affect anything. Please pray it stays that way.

Hunter has a long way to go with many milestones to get through. Please continue to pray for him. He is still so fragile (1 pound 4 ounces) and his body is so immature. He has lost weight, which is also not uncommon. I appreciate all your prayers so far. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Monday, April 7, 2008

First of all, I just want to thank everyone for all of the prayers and support we have received through such a difficult time. We have wonderful friends and each one of you have made such a huge impact on our life through all of this.

I figured that I would send out an update to let you know how Hunter is doing since his birth. Hunter Myles McKeen was born by emergency c-section on April 1st at 4:29 pm. He was 1 pound 12 ounces and was 12 ½ inches long. I was 24 weeks 5 days pregnant. Hunter had to be born. I had an incompetent cervix and went into labor. If a c-section was not done, Hunter would not have had a chance of making it. If they would’ve waited, Hunter would have been born naturally. They had to move with the c-section for Hunter’s sake of survival. I received a very rare c-section due to the delicate nature of the baby and his gestational age. I am cut internally from my diaphragm done past by belly button. This is a vertical incision. I am also cut externally horizontally across my abdomen.

The first night of Hunter’s life, he had a difficult time controlling his blood pressure. It kept dipping to low. At 3 AM, they called our hospital room and needed consent to give him a blood transfusion to raise his blood pressure. After the consent, Hunter received two transfusions. The next day, he was still having difficulty with his blood pressure and they put him on a medication called Dopamine. His lung also collapsed and he had an air build up between his lung and chest wall. They had to put a tube in his chest to control this.
He also was taken off a respirator because he needed something a little stronger. They put him on an Oscillator and were pumping 600 breaths per minute. They needed to do this because his body was building two much carbon dioxide.

Hunter also had jaundice and needed to be under special lights. He also had a condition called PDA. It is a condition with the heart but treatable through medication or surgery (if necessary)

When you think that prayers don’t work, please let me tell you where and how far he has came in three days….
Hunter has been taken off the oscillator and put back on a very small respirator. He is taking his own breaths periodically and they are winging him off the small respirator with the hopes that he will be breathing on his own very soon.

Hunter no longer needs to be on medication to control his blood pressure. His blood pressure is being controlled by his own body with no medical assistance. It is perfect.
Hunter’s collapsed lung has fixed itself and he has had the tube removed.
The doctor can’t hear any signs of the PDA and thinks the medication worked. We have a chest x-ray tomorrow to find out for sure.
So, please – continue to pray. Hunter still has a very long ways to go. He will probably be in the NICU until July with several more milestones that he has to go through. All of your prayers are working. God has his arms around Baby Hunter. We found out today that Hunter’s chances of survival have increased dramatically over the last couple days.

Friday, April 4, 2008

I haven’t been able to write for a couple days. The morphine they had me one would of made for an interesting email. For those of you that don't know, which I think everyone knows. Hunter Myles McKeen was born on April 1, 2008 at 4:29 PM. He was 12 inches long and weighed 1 pound 12 ounces. His gestation age was 24 weeks 5 days. This makes his life very critical. So, here's the story, plus some more pictures.

Contractions started on Monday night at 13 minutes apart. They were strong, but the nurses insisted that they were small and nothing to worry about. I was put on an IV drip to help with hydration. By Tuesday morning, contractions were more painful and were coming at 3-8 minutes apart. My doctor was paged and came to the hospital to check on me. I was dilated to 4 CM and was told Hunter was still breach. Hunter was so little. I was told that labor was moving very quickly. If he was born vaginally, he would not live through it and the doctor said emergency c-section was the best way. I was given the consent paper to sign and 10 minutes later, being rolled to the operating room.

Because of Hunter’s size and the delicate nature of this birth, my c-section is different than most. They had to make an INTERNAL incision from my diaphram to below my belly button. The external incision was the normal bikini line incision with most c-sections. They call it a classic c-section and I would never be able to deliver a child vaginally. Tim could not be in the operating room with me because they could not give me a spinal or epidural. I was given a blood thinner while on bed rest. If a spinal was given, it would carry a big chance of paralysis. I had to be completely put under for the surgery itself.

After I woke up, Hunter was already in the NICU, resuscitated, and waiting for me and his daddy to get there. After recovery with my awesome nurse Laurie, they rolled me into the NICU on my stretcher. It was there that I got to reach in and hold my baby's hand. When I reached my hand in, Hunter grabbed a hold of my pinky and held on for about an hour. After 2 days of the morphine pump, they have downgraded me to a couple pain killers. But, I have been out of it from the morphine until now. I am feeling human again - but really sore. Nothing compared to what Hunter is going through.

HUNTER'S CONDITION:

The first night in the NICU, Hunter developed a tear in his immature lung. This created an iron pocked between his chest wall and lung. This has since healed. He also needed two blood transfusions on his fire night to level out his blood pressure. That worked for a short time, but started to fail and his blood pressure dropped. They have since given him a drug called dopamine and this has leveled out his blood pressure and he is doing well. Also, Hunter was having problems with amount of carbon monoxide in his lungs. They have been playing with his oxygen level. This also seems to be going better now. He has jaundice and is sunbathing under some lights. He is on life support right now while he develops. He is so very tiny and has so much ahead of him. He is my angel, my miracle, and most of all my little fighter. Please continue to pray for him.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Below is a copy of an email that Tim sent out after Hunter was born. I was post surgery and still on all the medications. I was on morphine from April 1st to April 4th. This really hindered my ability to blog.

HUNTER MYLES MCKEEN WAS BORN ON 4/1/08 AT 4:29 PM 1 POUND 12 OZ. AND 12.5 IN. LONG.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

I just wanted to send out an update. At 24 weeks 4 days (last night), I went into pre term labor with contractions 13 minutes apart. Oh my gosh! If I ever felt pain in my life, that was it. It was completely taking my breath away. The nurse came in and said they were still mild. I looked at her and almost ripped her throat out. I thought to myself...mild....what's severe? It was a true test of my pain tolerance and it told me that when this actually happens, I am an epidural candidate without question.

They had to put an IV back in my arm, get fluids in me real quick and the contractions started too ease up and go away. I am still getting them periodically today. They are not concerned unless they start getting on a rhythm again. I had a talk with Hunter and explained to him that he might be doing really good in my belly, but the outside world will not be so good to him yet.

Before the contractions started last night, it was a really bad day. There was another girl in the room next door to me. She was the same gestation as me, minus a day or two. She went into labor, but the baby didn't make it. This affected me pretty bad. So, when this happened to me last night, I was really scared. Everybody's situation is different and I know my situation is not the same as hers. I am trying to keep my chin up at such an uncertain time.

Thank you for all your praying and support